Last night my book club discussed Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In.” I ‘d been looking forward to this discussion because I respect the minds of my group. And even though I was looking forward to this discussion, I dreaded it almost as much. I arrived late to the conference call because I had mixed feelings.
So what I am sharing here is less about Sheryl’s book than how I felt as a result of a discussion that indeed left me feeling disappointed. My group of smart, smart women did not seem to understand that the feminism this book discusses really does not include me. I generally will not participate in discussions on power or equity with white women. Because I feel (note I said I feel) there is a reticence to get into conversation that is uncomfortable; and ain’t nobody got time for that denial game.
Why do white women NOT acknowledge their participation in the equality and oppression game, particularly in the white-collar arena? Can they not see that by not doing this their behavior supports the status quo.
It makes me think of Nordette Adams’ sharing of a video with Rita Arens that formed the basis for a post that Rita wrote asking white women whether they ever thought about being white. The comments alone make me want to cry— to think that in 2013 people assert they do not care about race or that race never enters their mind. Hogwash!
“Lean In“ is a valid expression of life for a small slice of women. I give Sandberg props for sharing her lessons on leadership for this small group. So even while I respect her work, I don’t feel it is the model for most women in business.
Her wisdom does not resonate for someone like me or others who have been “the only” or “one of a few” over the last 40 years. Remember the government forced corporations to carry out the provisions of 1964 Civil Rights Act. And being a product of that, I genuinely wanted my club members to understand why I would feel that I have heard all that Sheryl Sandberg has to say before.
But like I said, the group consists of smart women. One asked for a reading list and I went looking. It just so happened that feministwire published a post that addressed the kind of alienation I was feeling on another equally compelling topic. It included a non-exhaustive list of black feminist writers and talked of the long history of black women’s feminism. So I am sharing that with you so that the next time a black woman sucks her teeth or is impatient when discussing feminism, you will know she is not just being rude.
Chris Bradshaw says
Patricia, it is a great headline. As a blue-eyed brunette in the south, I’ve always been “aware” of being white. As I’ve aged and my hair has grayed and I’m now a blue-eyed blond, I feel it even more. Thank you for keeping this topic in play.
Patricia Patton says
I worked on that headline because of what prompted me to write the post. Interestingly I did not get much traffic, but I did not try that hard. It did come from a genuine place and my reading group realized they had never read any black, brown or yellow feminists.
Janet says
Hi Patricia,
Try Inessential Woman: Problems of Exclusion in Feminist Thought by Elizabeth Spelman. It might address your feeling of exclusion.
Best,
Janet
Patricia Patton says
Hey Janet
I am not familiar with Inessential Woman. I did not use the word exclusion. I think I used alienation. Even though the 2 circles share some space and the net effect is exclusion, what I felt was alienation, Probably my spin on choosing not to join the party.
I went to find a summary of this book and found this: “Spelman uses her considerable erudition and analytical abilities to bring white, middle-class feminist theorists and their profoundest critics closer together.” I will look into it. Thanks. Looking forward to seeing you soon.
Beverly Mahone says
Hi Patricia,
The “headline” of your blog post drew me in and I’m glad it did. I enjoyed reading what you had to say. We are singing the same tune in the same choir. I do believe when women write these types of books they speak what they know and believe to be true but, as the old saying goes, “until you’ve walked a block in my shoes, you have no clue.” Thanks for writing this.
Patricia Patton says
Well I am happy the headline worked. I did think about it. I saw your comment first thing this morning and it made my day. For real! Thanks Bev. I know you know what I am talking about.
Patricia