This is a throwback post that still rings true for me today just for different reasons. The question no matter how you phrase it is how to deal with drive-by fear.
In social media things move quickly, experts come and go and it is easy to get distracted. For this exact reason, I cannot tell you how important it has been for me to recognize when I am off track, under the sway of the newest and latest idea/person/thing that threatens to upstage the status quo or when I have just plain been wrong.
This past week “Drive-by fear ” was illusively whispering, “What if no one comes.” You see I am working on my first event, a retreat for mature women. It’s called, “The Dream Yourself Awake Retreat” and will take place on Martha’s Vineyard September 9-13, 2015.
Over the last six years I have dreamed myself awake and in the process learned several things that can save you time and improve your entrepreneurial life. This old post reminds me of that.
So SAVE THE DATE: September 9-13, 2015
Six Tips to Master Your Voice of Authority
I once introduced myself to an online group as an “expert in failure.” I had been feeling distress about not being a success but had not voiced it aloud. Even though intellectually, I was proud of what I’d learned from my business mistakes, emotionally it was difficult to accept that success as an entrepreneur had eluded me.
Success as a baby boomer in other aspects of my life did not make up for the absence of entrepreneurial success I am seeking; and this complicated how I was processing my feelings. But in response to me sharing this “expert in failure” comment, a fellow participant in the online group stated that Denzel Washington in his 2011 UPenn commencement address, asked the graduates whether they had the guts to fail and chided them by saying, “If you don’t fail, you are not even trying.”
Whenever you look through the window glass at others experiencing something you think you want and do not have, it causes you to ask hard questions about success. I needed to give focused thought to my feelings of inadequacy about the development of my voice of authority which I was equating to success. What would make me feel better. How did success look. These are some of the questions that we all need to deal with head on.
What is your definition of success?
Is success what you get? Is it what you give? Is it who you connect to? Is it what you do in life? Or is it where you go? Success could be defined by answering any one of these questions or a combination of all of them. Because success is not static. No, success is more like happiness.
Accept that you must manage expectations
I have set out over time to build several entrepreneurial projects with varying degrees of success. While working full time in tourism and hospitality, I tapped into my knowledge about travel, my love for art, and my travel connections to create small group tour experiences. My intention was to provide a service to a segment of the market generally overlooked by large non-profit institutions. I was a member of this group at the $200 membership level. I did not get to experience the private dinners of higher levels of membership. So what could I do about this?
Identify a need then do something about it
I designed a trip that included visits to private collections of art in England and Belgium to experience higher level membership opportunities. I priced the trip modestly to meet what I thought were this segment of the market’s budgetary restrictions. But the people who responded to this travel experience were wealthy, savvy travelers from Telluride, Colorado and New Orleans and not the working stiffs, such as myself, for whom the trip was intended.
So as a travel experience, the trip was a huge success. However as a business model, I did not reach my intended market; and the profit margin was slim relative to the work involved. I interpreted my stint as an independent tour operator as a failure.
Don’t wait for external encouragement
I tried to integrate what I had learned from this first travel experience into a second travel effort by creating another small group travel experience to the South African Biennale in 1997. This trip was created for artists, art historians, curators and collectors. Feedback from the travelers confirmed the experience was both unique and of high value. But the profit margin gave me pause. Rather than reengineer the concept, I internalized this second travel attempt as a failure. But I did learn that a business could not be built on price alone or on miscommunication with my projected market. I’d read this in books before but this time, experience made the lesson clear.
Build on what you learn. Put lessons from failure together
While holding this same 9-5-job, yet another epiphany came to me in the fear created in the aftermath of September 11th . I wanted more autonomy over how I used my time on earth. Leaving my job had nothing to do with retirement. I knew I would work harder than ever without a paycheck. So I went at it again.
My dream lifestyle was to run a seasonal business May through September that in three years could be sold to fund my ability to thereafter work from anywhere in the world. I created a seasonal healthy beachfront food business to meet this definition of success. In real life, this turned out to mean a three and one half month marathon of 18-hour days that were very much subject to the whims of Mother Nature. The business, Sea Greens Live, became known for its cold spicy gazpacho, spelt cake, wild salmon burgers, wheat grass shots, fresh fruit smoothies, cold noodle salads and the like. It had a decent following; but the business’ receipts did not a business make. My competitors who sold hamburgers on white buns outsold me 7 to 1. When the rents skyrocketed for the 3 month season, it was time to go.
Acknowledge your feelings
I felt like Rodney Dangerfield. I just could not get any respect for what I was trying to do. It was as if I was standing outside a patisserie window with my nose to the glass facing failure again. So close yet so far away from success.
If you are a creative, you most likely have had your share of failures and you know this feeling. All the conventional wisdom that declares, “If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate,” will not make you feel better. Yet you must continue on.
Rather than continue to bemoan my circumstances, I took my own advice. I figured out what success looked like to me which has made it easier to work toward and to measure my progress. This has made all the difference in the world.
What is your definition of success?
Information about the Dream Yourself Awake Retreat can be obtained by sending an email to Boomerwiz@gmail.com with retreat in the subject line
Sandra Lewis says
Yes, yes, yes. Patricia, thank you for putting some light in the dark closet where the monsters tend to congregate. And for giving me some closet cleaning strategies!
Patricia A Patton says
Sometimes I think no one else has them. They poke their heads up frequently with me which is to say we have a running conversation. I have to try to keep them in check.
Elle Gibson says
Patricia,
All I can say is Girl, you spoke a mouthful of truth. Where you inside my head? I needed this reminder:
“If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate,” will not make you feel better. Yet you must continue on.
Now, I’m moving forward at full steam. Thank you,
Elle
Patricia A Patton says
My pleasure. Thank you for reading.
Frances says
Wow! Quoted: “Whenever you look through the window glass at others experiencing something you think you want and do not have, it causes you to ask hard questions about success.” Pat, this statement right here is something I feel quite a bit. I’ve never been the creative type and hardly have I ever known what I wanted to be when I grow up so I’ve just worked jobs and been the best I could and took whatever I could get. I guess I’m still in that boat. This post was so eye-opening and thought provoking.
Frances
Patricia A Patton says
I am always happy when I capture something on paper that helps someone in a small way. Feel free to ask me anything (almost).