BlogHer Book Club Review
Throughout my reading of this book, what I remember saying is, “Whoa.” Well now I have finished “Diary of a Submissive,” a true story of sexual awakening by British writer Sophie Morgan (not her real name), and I am still saying, “Whoa.” I was not sure where this book would take me upon beginning; but I was looking forward to the seeing just how much I’d be able to get into it.
The book tells the story of a young journalist’s awakening to her sexual appetite and preferences. We quickly learn that submission and pain are requisite to her sexual enjoyment for we join her on the book’s first page as Voyeurs. On a street we witness a male and a female seemingly in an embrace …. except that the woman looks like she is in trouble … we think … except that she does not cry out for our help even though she seems to be aware that we are watching but she seems not to care.
Up until Chapter 8, I was a willing accomplice reader/voyeur. Then I became impatient watching Sophie push her boundaries as a submissive. I didn’t think I’d be able to finish the book because frankly I was bored. I was not aroused. I was reminded that I am not into far extremes in any facet of my life at this point in my life except love for my family and passion for my work. And the boundaries that others set for their lovemaking (in books) do not interest me even though I thought they would. This point was brought home to me by the author’s realization that cruelty and humiliation were integral to her selection of a partner. This is what Sophie learns. I didn’t care because I still did not understand.
Notwithstanding my clarity that I was not in synch with the pain Sophie experienced, I pushed forward to complete the book. I wanted to understand what was at the bottom of the D/s relationship. What makes someone thrive on pain? What is the difference between enjoying the protection of another (D/S maybe) and seeking to push through thresholds and unknown boundaries that center on pain in order to reach a physical orgasm (D/s).
I cannot answer my own question even though I read all 295 pages. Truthfully, I still don’t understand what or where that impulse or desire for pain comes from. The story presented in such a way that I had to go to wikipedia for a refreshed definition of BDSM.
For now, I can say only I experienced Diary of a Submissive as a well written but sometimes frustrating read. I reviewed the book for the BlogHer Book Club and will be paid for this review but the opinions are my own. You will really have to read it and decide for yourself how you feel about it.
Chloe Jeffreys says
I think understanding a sexual preference that we don’t share is very, very difficult.
There was a period in my (much younger) life where I was fed-up with men. Turning to women for my sexual pleasure seemed logical to me. Other than that one specific thing that men can do, which isn’t how I orgasm anyway, it seemed like I should be able to have as much pleasure with a woman as with a man.
But it was not to be.
While I love many of the things a woman can do just as well as a man in bed I did not find being with a woman either erotic or exciting. Mostly it was just sort of, well, like you say, boring. I was bored. Ho hum bored.
I had to accept the fact that even if I wanted it, I am not a lesbian and cannot be one. For better or for worse (and let me tell you, at that time it was for worse) I was stuck with men if I wanted to enjoy sex.
I think BDSM is very misunderstood by those who cannot understand it in a way that homosexuality is misunderstood by many heterosexuals. I also think most fetishes are made part of us when we’re very young, way before we realize or understand them.
boomrwiz says
So sorry to be soooo delayed in responding to your thoughtful comment Chloe. I was happy to have this comment from you for as you can see, this post did not draw any comments other than yours. Too personal I guess. But this is one thing I respect you for: You have accessed your voice.
I have had time to think about what you said regarding understanding another’s sexual preference.My review was based solely on my own personal sexual preferences, which in truth precludes pain except as it hurts so good within a defined spectrum. But if I am honest, pain by my personal definition does not include most of what I read in this book. Guess that is also why I was prompted say that as some point,”I was bored.” You have however allowed me to recognize this kind of personal snarkiness. Bravo Chloe.