Why Doesn’t Your Life Match Your Dreams and Wishes
I awakened this morning and the idea of “saving face” occurred to me. You all know I am working on a project that means a lot to me. According to GoAsia, “The abstract concept of “face” can be described as a combination of social standing, reputation, influence, dignity, and honor. Causing someone to “lose face” lowers them in the eyes of their peers, while saving or “building face” raises their self worth.” So my fear that I won’t live up to my own expectations is based on the distance between what I am dreaming and what I am living. They don’t match. But to move forward I must be direct and be able to hear directness in order to correct the situation.
Right now my problem is I am not clear on what my solution to MY problem is. How should I approach making a decision with so many unknowns. Could I just pretend to change my mind? What would others think if things do not go well? Could I chalk everything up to experience? Because of this quandary, I begin to subconsciously think limiting and fear-driven thoughts about whether I will be able to successfully solve my problem. I am afraid of failure.
But I caught myself before this subconscious self-defeating response to a worry set in causing me to get stuck or to focus on what might happen in the unknown future. When you are working on your dreams and run into yourself in a way that threatens a jam or meltdown, consider these five practices to help you answer the question why doesn’t my life match my dreams and wishes.
Stay in the Present
Seems so obvious, right but you know as well as I do that it is not that simple. Your fight or flight mind will leave you sitting in a room while it looks for an exit if it thinks there may be trouble. You either have control or you don’t. If you have control, then make the needed changes. If you do not have control, then what is the point of worrying. Stay in the present.
Call Someone Who Will Remind You To Stay In the Present
This point harkens back to the first, which is to say, stay in the present. If you do not have the strength to do it yourself, call for backups. Think carefully about who that person is because you do not want a good friend who will simply commiserate with you. This call should be to someone you know has your back and will remind you to go hard, to be 100% about the business of truly living your big dream.
Remember Your Subconscious Mind Is Not Connected to Conscious Wishes
Think about the ways you are sabotaging your own dream. Wayne Dwyer says ask yourself,”What am I avoiding now by using up this moment with worry?” Then begin to take action on what you are avoiding. Think about this: we use about 5% of our conscious mind, according to neuroscientists. When the conscious part of our mind is engaged, we are not thinking about anything. The other 95% of the time when we are not using our conscious mind, we are living subconsciously. In other words, we are living for others, living out patterns, wondering, like me this morning, how am I going to save face. This is unnecessary and we can monitor this behavior by developing better practices.
Set Up a Feedback System and a Practice
So if you buy what I’ve said above maybe you are ready to set up a feedback system and a practice that will support who you really are, your dreams and your wishes. Easier said than done. I know. But this doesn’t have to be a complicated system. It just needs to be an organized way that you approach how to cope with the dissonance that is part of life. This can be whatever or whomever you choose. For me, it is a small Mastermind group, a Coach/friend I trust, and a small loosely unaffiliated group of friends I have identified as my Advisory Group. Use them or whatever you cobble together. Make it your practice to go to them when you feel you want to pull the sheets over your head.
Remember Who You are
I sometimes forget who I am. The ego will take me off on a tangent and I have been known to believe what my ego says even though I know it does not encourage and bless me with its perspective No, it asks questions like, “What makes you think you can do that.” Listen, you will have to fight against your ego to hear the little voice that expresses who you really are and to hear what your dreams express. You have to fight yourself, and listen intently to stay on course to where you are drawn.
I assure you that little voice inside is talking to you. This is what my coach texted me this morning when I could not hear myself:
“Think Serena Williams. She can be down by 5-6 points in the final match and she comes back😉. One play at a time. You can’t feel sorry for yourself and perform at your best so think about it like this… Unless you get 100% in the game… Mindset included… You might as well be defeating yourself. You can’t half-ass it Patricia… You need to rise at the level of your vision. You had a bigger dream but you are trying to give the same effort you have in the past…Ask yourself, have I spoken to at least (100) people…sent out press releases, blogged daily, given public talks, etc. If so, good now do the next 100, if not, get busy.”
We all need to create a practice in our lived lives, as opposed to our minds, that places an importance on acting upon that little voice that sees, hears, feels, and intuits for us. The call to be true to ourselves becomes much easier when we do.
If you can use the kind of advice my Coach gave me above, come and meet her. Or if you feel some dissonance between who you are and what your dreams are, then plan to register for the Dream Yourself Awake Retreat and let’s close the gap. Let’s take a good hard look at your life and figure out how to ignite it. We don’t have time to save face.